taoism: shit happens
hare krishna: shit happens, rama dama ding ding
hinduism: this shit happened before
islam: if shit happens, it is the will of allah
zen: what is the sound of shit happening?
buddhism: when shit happens, is it really shit?
confucianism: confucius say, shit happens
7th day adventist: shit happens on saturdays
protestantism: shit won't happen if I work harder
catholicism: if shit happens, I deserve it
jehovas witness: knock, knock: shit happens
unitarian: what is this shit?
mormon: shit happens again and again and again
judaism: oyway! why does this shit always happen to me?
pentacostalism: praise the shit!
new age: shit happens and it happens to smell good
rastafarism: let's smoke this shit!

(danke an rickenharp für den tip.)